Every year, there are thousands of men all over the world who cheat on their wives, girlfriends and fiancées. Thousands of dollars are spent on divorces and countless therapy sessions. People caught in the hurt of betrayal often ask the question, why? I have found that when a man cheats, there are often several things that lead to it.
Perhaps you are married to someone who, at the core, doesn’t have the ability to be faithful to you. People like this tell themselves they want to be, but when the opportunity arises, they inevitably start an inappropriate relationship that leads to an affair.
2. Fear of Intimacy
This is often used as a catchall cliché when someone gets uncomfortable with connecting with another person. When someone has multiple affairs, it is often a sign that while comfortable with the s*xual relationship they are not comfortable with what usually comes along with a more committed relationship. Things like sharing life experiences, listening when someone is hurt and parenting together. These are things that create intimacy and perhaps your partner has no ability to join in on those type of things.
Pop culture is always talking about the next best thing, the newest trend, the hottest celebrity, and how you are missing out if you aren’t doing this thing or that thing. Unfortunately, this tempts some people to do things they normally wouldn’t. These men may think “My s*x life is boring. I need to spice it up.” When their significant other isn’t interested in the spice, it can lead to discontentment. This is unfortunate because relationships aren’t simply about s*x. It is a big part of the relationship, but not the only part.
Let’s be honest, women. Sometimes you control your partner. This control does not bode well for your relationship. The sooner you loosen the grip, the sooner your relationship will be so much better. When men feel or believe they are being controlled, they will sometimes react to it. They will find ways to get some control in their own lives that you may not end up being aware of until it’s too late.
Many times men may feel caught in a rut. This rut leads them to believe the grass is greener somewhere else. While this may be similar to discontent, it is different in that this is more fueled by the routine of life. Getting up with kids, taking kids to events, going to work 9 to 5. Couples with this dilemma often start with saying we don’t have anything in common anymore.
You may be in relationship with a man who is willing to take risks that typical people wouldn’t take — all to satisfy a s*xual need. These men usually need more help than simple counseling. They seek out prostitutes and strip clubs — all to get one’s needs met. One of the bigger things a man values is emotional connectedness. It is a mistake to simply think men cheat for s*x, and they don’t care about being connected. They often cheat because they don’t feel an emotional connection with their woman. When this connection is missing, it’s only a matter of time before some type of cheating takes place.
Men highly value respect. When the woman they are in a relationship with doesn’t show respect toward her man, he will find someone that does. This respect can be shown in simple ways. Do you let your man know you value what he does for you? Do you let him know he is important to you? It is no wonder many affairs begin in the workplace. This is a place where your man is often given respect by women. These types of respect-driven relationships lead to more conversations, more involvement that doesn’t need to happen and then ultimately to an affair. There are often many things that can lead to an affair. The key is to make sure you are doing everything in your power to pay attention to things that can lead down that path. It is very rare an affair happens as a one night stand. Most cheating relationships begin with a conversation fueled by starving relationships at home.
We put a lot of time and effort into maintaining relationships with those we love. And by knowing the warning signs of a partner’s wandering eye, we can address the root of the problem and correct it before any of these signs of cheating become one of the reasons our relationship ended.