There are lots of ways to bond with your adopted baby

Bonding with your adopted child can be easier than you think. The level of difficulty will vary depending on the child’s age and the experiences they went through in foster care or with the biological parents, but this article assumes they are past the infant and toddler stage.

The main thing to remember is that the child does want to be loved and find a stable and supportive home, no matter how distant or upset they may seem.


1. Love the child. Let them know that you are there for them and that you would like to spend time with them.

2. Find activities that the child will be interested in that will benefit them intellectually and emotionally. Spend time with them so that you can learn more about them and bond.

3. If your child is of a different religion or nationality than you, respect it. Ask the child if they would like to celebrate certain holidays or parts of their heritage, and, if applicable, try learning about them. Ask the child if they can help you to learn about the religion or heritage/celebration. Go to the library or search online about what is involved and have the child show you what they know about it. It may not be part of what you consider “the holidays” but it will need to be from now on. Even if the child doesn’t speak up about it, you still need to ask if they would like to celebrate or learn about it. Otherwise, resentment may quietly build. Don’t worry too much about holidays. Focus on unreserved love for the child, and taking care of his or her needs.

4. Ask questions, but don’t pry. Talk about their past in an open way. Never try to hide the fact or forget the fact that they were adopted. Staying open and honest will make them trust you and will turn you into “mom or dad” faster than lying or faking it ever would.

5. Let the child have some control over the family choices. Let them choose a family dinner each night, a family activity each week, a game you play, or a movie you see. They need to have a little bit of control in a life that has previously been so out of their control.

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6. Never put down or attack the biological parent’s character. Even if they gave the child up for adoption for horrible reasons and even if you disagree with their lifestyle, don’t tell the child that the biological parents were “bad” or “worthless”. No good can come of this, it will only reflect badly upon you in the long run. Remember, if you have nothing good to say about someone, then do not say anything. Benjamin Franklin once said this regarding his success in interpersonal relationships: I speak of all the good things of men, and none of the bad.

7. Relax. The relationship will build with time. As the child begins to see that you respect and care about them, love will grow. They will slowly begin to see you as “mom or dad” and their early life will become less important as they become involved in school, sports, etc. Just try and be an open and honest parent, and everything will work out fine!