What are you going to do?

This isn’t going to be easy … but no one ever said marriage was.
He cheated and now you know the truth.

All those lies he told you tied into knots. You wanted to believe him, to trust that he was faithful, to forgive him for neglecting you, letting you down, and disappointing you because you felt his intentions were true.

You thought if you gave him some time and space your relationship would improve and feel good again. You even rationalized that if he lied, you might get angry but could forgive and forget.article-2308100-1942083C000005DC-105_634x474

Here are the steps that are required without any guarantee of positive results.

  1. Expect him to admit guilt and express sincere sorrow that he betrayed you.
  2. Express your hurt, anger, and rage, preferably only in words and body language.
  3. Insist he lets you know that he DOES fully comprehend the enormity of what he did.
  4. Demand that he make a continual effort in words and deeds to prove he will never cross that line again.
  5. Make him listen to you, over and over again, expressing your intense emotional pain from his betrayal.
  6. Develop some empathy for his emotional insecurity that led him to seek another woman’s approval.
  7. Tell him how much you need to be loved and feel safe enough to let go.
  8. Insist that he agrees to do everything possible to restore the emotional wellness of your marriage.
  9. Encourage him to join you in marriage counseling, sex therapy, or an intensive group experience.
  10. Help him open his heart to you, and share with you his fears and his emotional fragility.
  11. Above all, get him to listen to you, listen to you, listen to you … until you know he hears you.
  12. And whether or not he joins you in counseling, seek help for your own unresolved relationship and sexual issues.