There your boyfriend sits, sexy as he be, telling you that he wants to give you control; he wants you to throw him down on the bed and show him who’s boss. Done right, being the boss of your boyfriend for an hour or an evening is a little bit like extending foreplay for hours, giving normally ordinary acts a sexual charge. Domination can mean many things, but if you and he are taken by the idea, here are a few ways to get started that nearly anyone can enjoy, safely and easily.
1. Dress in your sexiest, most glamorous outfit, and make him wear his birthday suit. When your boyfriend is kneeling before you in the tiniest of shorts, it’s easy to feel like you’re the boss. You’ll also be able to notice if he’s aroused by the situation, and it’s a snap for you to reach out casually as he passes and pinch his bum. He might enjoy the feeling of being exposed, open, and accessible, while you look like a beautiful and forbidding goddess.
2. Have him wait on you hand and foot, even if you’re just answering work emails. Even if you’re catching up on work on your laptop, your boyfriend can keep your drink filled and your bowl of nibbles well-stocked. You can give your boyfriend a uniform — black trousers and shirt, or your favorite outfit of his — or keep him naked. For him, it’s an opportunity to let the cares of the world go and focus entirely on you. For you, it’s a chance to get caught up and build sexual tension with your boyfriend at the same time.
3. Declare yourself queen for the evening. A little formality will really bring home the fact that your boyfriend isn’t calling the shots. Making him address you with an honorific can really underscore the fact that you’re in control; it gets right into his head. My partners call me “Mistress,” but if that seems a bit heavy for you, try something like your most favored pet name. Certain positions, as well, emphasize servitude. If you’re just hanging out with you in bossy mode, you might make him sit or kneel on a cushion on the floor, while you relax in the easy chair.
4. Let him worship every inch of your body. Grab some massage oils and order him to give your back, neck, feet, and any other part of your body that needs it a rub down. When you’re all nice and relaxed, make him worship your body, running hands and lips over every part of it, taking his time and following your direction. If you get turned on, show him and tell him. He might be yearning to make love to you, but he won’t get his chance until you say so, madam queen.
5. Have some mind-blowing sex that’s all about what you want. People often say that good sex pleases both partners. When you’re dominating your boyfriend, he gets a whole lot of joy and delight out of pleasing you, even if you’re putting your own sexual gratification first for the moment. Show him exactly how you like to be licked, kissed, teased, and played with. If you want to have penetrative sex, have it in your favorite position and at your preferred pace. Show him how to get you off with toys, and make him practice until he gets it right. And to get his own orgasm, he has to wait until you give him permission.
6. Tie him up and tease him until he absolutely loses his mind. Invest in a simple set of under the bed restraints — these adjustable, washable Velcro straps attach to your bed in five minutes and turn it into a great place for safe, easy restraint. Try stroking and teasing him, or ride him until he’s at the peak of his excitement, then lift off, and leave him frustrated until you’re ready to get back on the horse. Revel in the freedom to do what you like, playing him like an instrument, while he can relax, knowing you’ve got him right where you want him.
7. Put him on a masturbation ban, so he focuses his lust on you. Men with a domination fantasy often dream of a partner taking control of their orgasms. Although not everyone can go completely cold-turkey on masturbation, a playful order from you to abstain for a few days before playtime will mean that his focus is entirely on you.
8. Tell him how hot it makes you to take control. A lot of media depict the austere, ice-cold mistress, but my experience is that your boyfriend will be ever more eager to please you if he can see how happy it makes you. If you come home to see that he has tidied your home, set dinner cooking, and is waiting for you with sexy pants and a cold drink, your smile, a kind word, even a slightly humiliating “good boy” will show you’ve noticed and that his hard work was worthwhile.
9. Practice dominating. Yeah, if you’re training your boyfriend as your perfect naked butler, then the first time he serves you a drink it might be a bit awkward. But imagine a few months later when he does it perfectly. It’s not just the delicious, correctly made drink in your hand, it’s the lust in his expression that makes it such hot foreplay. And later you can laugh about the mistakes and the occasional awkwardness that brought you there.
10. Pick a special outfit you wear or tone of voice so he always knows when you’re in bossy mode. You have to draw a line between time when your boyfriend is your eager servant, and when you’re snuggling on the couch watching The Voice. Some people even use a piece of jewelry, like a necklace, bracelet, or collar. Over time, when he hears that tone of voice or sees that piece of jewelry, he — and you — will slip into the right mindset for playtime.
11. Remember, it’s only good as long as you’re both into it. Whatever you and your boyfriend decide to try, be sure to talk out your ideas together, go slowly, and always respect boundaries and consent. Now bow down, bitches!