Men stop dogging your wives! Ok ok ok before all of the men get in an uproar let me explain! So I was in the sauna at the gym the other day and a man (who I didn’t know) came in, then proceeds to go on a big negative rant about his wife and her nagging, complaining and everything else. While I empathized because we must admit that there are some wives who are just unhappy with themselves and thus take it out on everyone else. However, what I’ve found, is that many times behind an unhappy wife is an unengaged, unconscious, disconnected, or selfish husband. It’s almost never one persons fault, yet we complain about our spouses like we are perfect.

Let’s break down those 4 things…

1) Unengaged
I recently wrote an article about “showing up” in your relationship where I address how sometimes as men we are home but we aren’t engaged in anything that is going on in the home. Sometimes we aren’t spending any real quality time with our spouse or the children. It’s been months since you took her out on a date, it’s been weeks since you’ve kissed her or told her you love her. She’s starting to feel insecure and you haven’t done anything to reassure her. Sometimes that “nagging” is really just her begging for your attention and affection.

2) Unconscious
You are sitting around thinking that you are treating her perfectly, meanwhile she isn’t getting any of her needs met. She walks around being passive aggressive but because you’re so self-absorbed, you haven’t even noticed and thus you are unconscious. You haven’t checked in with her to see if everything is okay, or to see what more you could be doing to meet her needs. Take some time to check in with her instead of remaining unconscious and then complaining to everyone else about her.

3) Disconnected
You haven’t touched her in months, you spend more time looking at the computer than looking at her. You spend more time with your boys than you do with her and you haven’t put it down in the bedroom in a while. She feels like she is losing you because you seem so distant, yet when she asks you about it, you say everything is fine. In her gut she probably thinks you’re having an affair and slowly but surely she begins to grow resentful and bitter towards you. She just wants you to reconnect with her but you keep pushing her further away. It’s time you reconnected with her!

4) Selfish
Why is everything always about you? Yes, that’s what she may be wondering because anything that has to do with you, of course you are all into. Anything concerning her or the kids you show very little interest in. She has been serving you and your needs for years and all she really wants is some reciprocation. She feels like she’s been talking and you’ve been hearing her but have yet to listen. Its time you listen.

Fellas this isn’t an article focused on condemning you because we all fall short sometimes. Hell, I’ve been there before, blaming everyone but myself. I wrote it so that we become conscious about what we may or may not be doing. I wrote it so that you take self-inventory before you find yourself in a sauna complaining to strangers about how bad your wife is. Besides, it’s when she stops nagging that you really need to be worried!