Looking for a quick and dirty seduction of a needy, unbalanced woman? This isn’t the answer for you. You want a relationship that might turn into marriage with a woman who’ll adore and respect you? Play the long game.

  1. Smile when you catch her eye.

2. Exude power and confidence, without arrogance. In other words, don’t be needy, and don’t be a jerk.

3. Look into her eyes when she talks.

4. Touch her hand or her arm when you talk.

5. Help her with her coat, a tray, or any other object, and linger just a little too long.

6. If her pupils dilate, it’s okay to move in closer. If she leans away from you, you’re too close. Move back until you see her signal: playing with her hair, dilated pupils, touching your arm or hand, or leaning toward you.

7. If she signals a friendly, open demeanor, and smiles encouragingly, up the game. One-armed hugs, shoulder squeezes, full hugs, cheek kisses.

8. Compliment her looks without being crude. “You look great today” makes her heart race; “Nice ass” gets reported.

9. While she’s looking at you, brush her hair behind her ear.

10 If her hand is on a surface near you, fingers outstretched, she wants you to touch her hand. If it happens again, put your hand over her hand. A third time? Hold her hand. If you’re holding hands, you’re officially together, and you’re at first base.

11. Let her catch you looking appreciatively at her legs, breasts, or butt. Look, don’t touch.

12. Watch for her signal before you kiss her for the first time. If she stands close, or even wraps her arms around you, she wants to be kissed. Make it memorable. Slide your hands up her neck and hold her face between your hands as you draw her close to you. No resistance? Kiss the girl. Slowly, then firmly. Slide your hands back and let them get tangled in her hair as you control the intensity of the kiss.

13. Say good night. You’re playing for keeps, and you want her to go to sleep dreaming about you. She’s now officially crazy about you, and is — seriously — planning your wedding and naming your future children. This isn’t a game to be played with a woman you don’t expect to spend your life with, because she’s so in love with you at this point you’ll have trouble shaking her.

14. Make her laugh. Laughter is a stronger aphrodisiac than muscle, height, wealth, good looks, or machismo.