To confront a partner of ten years in order to escape an abusive relationship is an uphill journey which will require strategy, courage and determination on the woman’s part.
It is not an easy thing to do, but to escape an abusive partner you first have to first gain control over your own emotions. You loved him once and have had some good years together, but over the years he has insulted you and abused you and you no longer feel the same about him. Your feelings are bruised. He is jealous and insecure and monitors your every movement, tells you what to wear, when to eat, and who you can go out with. If you don’t do as he says, he stays out the whole night or withholds the food allowance. No matter what you say, he always manages to convince you that you are wrong.
Preparing to Escape
- Have a plan. Put a bag of clothes in the boot of the car. Call your mother and tell her that you might need a place to stay that night. Make a list of everything to be discussed, and in the right order. Don’t deviate from what has to be said, no matter how painful.
- Feel confident and worthy, and never stop valuing yourself. You must be strong and reflect independence, otherwise he will take advantage of you. The battle is a psychological one and must be won in the head first. Remember to always validate yourself, and stick to the plan.
Steps to Get Out of the Relationship
- Tell your husband that you have become unhappy over the years and would like to know if he is interested in repairing what you had once had. Discuss the prospect of counseling. He may laugh at you, or dare you to leave, or tells you that counseling is a waste of time. In such a case, be prepared to tell him that if there is nothing more between you. He needs to realize that it is pointless to remain together, and that you are going to leave.
- If he tries to persuade you by getting fresh, don’t be fooled. Some men use sex to manipulate a woman to gain control in a relationship. Be sure to stick to your guns about your wishes – that if he is not prepared to go for counseling, you are going to leave.
- If he refuses to take you seriously, or strikes you, take care of yourself by leaving the house immediately. Don’t tell him where you are going. It will be hard to do but this is the step you need to take to get you on the road to a healthy recovery from this abusive relationship.