Consider why you want your ex back. While the relationship could have been great, sometimes it really is better to let a relationship or former partner go. Sometimes, it is better to spend time adjusting to your new single status and focusing on yourself for awhile

Give them space. While it may seem counter-productive, if you’re always hanging around your ex and calling them, it’s more likely to make you seem desperate and to irritate the person you’re trying to get back. Giving them and yourself some space will help you, also, to determine what went wrong in the relationship and what you might have to do to fix it.

  • Also, by giving them space, you’re no longer giving them confidence-boosting attention and they’ll truly start to realize what it means no longer having you in their life.
  • So this means no texting, or calling just to see how they are, no Facebook stalking, etc. Of course if you see them out on the street, or at the grocery store, say hello and be polite, but don’t give them the sense that you’re in a huge funk because they’re no longer there.


Boost your confidence. Confidence, of course, is super sexy! It’s also likely that your confidence took a dive at the end of the relationship (especially if you were the one that was broken up with). You’ll need to build this back up, both for your own sake, as well as to entice your former partner back to you.

  • Fake your confidence if you’re not feeling truly confident. This means holding your body with purpose, like you matter (and you do): straight shoulders, feet firmly planted. The more you practice acting confident, the more confident you will feel.
  • Don’t compare yourself to others. Someone is always going to be more successful, more attractive, with a more fulfilling romantic relationship than you. Focus on the things that you’ve accomplished and that make you awesome instead of focusing on the negative aspects.
  • Remind yourself that the relationship didn’t fail because of you. This doesn’t mean that you might not have been partially to blame to the break-up, but it does not mean that have to completely change who you are in order to be someone worth loving.

Check their feelings towards you. This step relies a lot on body language and reading your ex, which hopefully after having been in a relationship with them, you know how to do. You’ll need to get a sense about how they’re feeling about having you back in their life, before you start digging into the hard stuff.

  • Do they seem interested in hanging out with you again? Do they propose hanging out or getting coffee to chat? Do they call or text or email you about little things? These are pretty good signs that they like having you in their life.
  • In terms of body language, do they present open body language to you, or are they crossing their arms defensively, rolling their eyes when you talk? The latter means they probably want little to do with you.
  • If you can find a subtle way to do it, ask around their friends or mutual friends how they’re feeling towards you. Do they miss you? Are they in a new relationship? Are they happy? If the answer is yes to the latter two questions, it’s best to let them go.

Talk to your ex. Now comes the hard part. Once you’ve discerned that your ex might be open to re-establishing the relationship you’ve got to have an open and frank discussion about your interest in doing so.

  • Honesty is really the most important part of this discussion, talking about why you want to get back together, acknowledging past faults, and giving reasons why you think the relationship is worth salvaging. Honesty, after all, is the foundation of a good relationship, which is what you’re trying to set up.
  • Be careful what you say and how you say it. This is not a good time for a fit of emotion. You want to stay calm during this discussion and you want to present your opinions and your feelings in a logical manner. Don’t be desperate or overbearing. Listen to what your ex has to say, even if it’s not necessarily what you want to hear.

Walk away. Sometimes there is just now way to save a relationship, whether because you both are no longer compatible, or because the other person has moved on. That’s okay! The fact that you tried to make it work again is great, but you need to know that if your ex says no to getting back together, they mean it. It’s time for you to move on, as well.