We’ve all heard the saying ‘If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.’ We’ve read this quote in countless magazines or books, or heard it in movies. What we didn’t know then, was how utterly painful it is. Those who have been through it and came out in one piece will tell you they feel they’ve been to a war. Hold on girls, it’s not that morbid, really. I can understand your situation; you love him, he loves you, all is well. Then comes that time when he no longer returns the feelings. That’s got to hurt, but making matters worse is the fact that you can’t seem to stop loving him. Well, here’s some good news, you CAN stop loving him. Just follow our guide, where we’ve laid out the top 12 ways you can get over him-for good.
FALL IN LOVE AGAIN-WITH YOURSELF
Remember that person who loved the outdoors, but gave it up for the guy who hated it? Oh, and remember that girl who was the most popular in high school but had to drop out of her social circle to make time for the ‘love’ of her life? Yeah, that’s right. I’m talking about you. When we are with someone, we automatically put our single selves up on a shelf, transforming and molding ourselves into a person who’s easier to date. Now would be the best time to go back and reach out to all the friends you cut off for your guy. All the stuff that made you happy once when you were single is still out there, waiting for you to come back to it. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, get out there and become the amazing person you used to be. Love yourself first; the rest will fall into place.
GET RID OF EXCESS BAGGAGE
This one might seem exceptionally hard to do, but once done, you’ll feel like a huge chunk of weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Delete and get rid of all texts, pictures, emails and anything else that is a constant reminder of him. You’ll question yourself whether you should, but believe me, you’ll thank me later. This doesn’t just apply to your cell phone. Go ahead and delete all your pictures together on Facebook, Instagram or anywhere else you can think of. Believe me, if there’s one thing we girls love doing, its torturing ourselves by going down memory lane, and that is exactly what you’re going to avoid.
GET A NEW LOOK
However small or insignificant this one may seem to you, go for it. All the things your guy kept you from trying out when you were a couple, are now free to be tested out. Experiment with a new hair color or cut, or change your wardrobe and give yourself a makeover. Embrace your freedom to do whatever you want, especially all those things that the love of your life stopped you from. These small steps are the building blocks to happiness that doesn’t just come from someone else. The source is now you yourself. How great is that!
HAVE A GIRL’S NIGHT OUT-EVERY WEEK!
Nothing comforts a broken heart like your girlfriends. They’re the ones you once shared all your joys and sorrows with, and the ones who lifted you up when you were bummed about a failed test or a bruised knee. What makes you think they won’t be there now that you’re nursing a heart that’s been hurt beyond repair. Don’t just sit around waiting for them to come to you, take initiative and make plans ASAP. Go out to the most happening clubs where most singles hang out, or just have drinks together and laugh over all the crazy times you’ve spent together. Make this a weekly ritual, and stick to it.Trust me, you’ll feel like you’re right where you belong and your guy will be the furthest thing from your mind.
STEP UP YOUR ROUTINE
When we’re in a relationship, we dedicate large portions of our day to just being with them. Now that your guy has distanced himself completely, you find huge empty chunks in your day that you fill by feeling sorry for yourself. That’s a complete no-no. First thing first, fill in those hours by taking on new activities. It could be that yoga class you were dying to try out but never had time for. It could be something as simple as going for a long drive or a walk by yourself. Join a book club or a cycling group, anything that lets you be with new people and at the same time, takes your sad daily routine to something exciting that you look forward to. In no time, the guy who you once obsessed over will be a long distant memory.
CUT-OFF ALL CONTACT
After all is said and done, and he’s gone on with his life while you’re left hanging, the time comes when you must break all contact, at least for 3 months. That’s the healing period you owe yourself in the very least. While you are still wrapping your head around the idea of no longer having him in your life, you need to put as much distance as possible between him and yourself. If you go to school together, now is the time to tweak your time table and have your girls help you avoid him. As tempting as it is to just send a tiny text saying hello, just don’t do it. It’ll only lead to rejection later, all over again. Surround yourself with solid friends who will keep you from calling or texting him, and oh! No snooping on his Facebook account! Tell yourself its over and move on.
NO POINT IN BEING ‘JUST FRIENDS’
If he contacts you, whether it’s out of pity or guilt, don’t tell yourself it’s okay to talk every once in a while. Hoping that your love for him can maybe change into something platonic is not going to happen, at least not overnight. Just the sound of his voice will send you back to square one, and believe me, applying the cold turkey method here is probably the safest bet. Now you don’t have to start being nasty and rude to him, just distance yourself and maybe reply once to his texts and stop after that. Don’t answer his calls under any circumstances. He also needs to get the message that you’re grieving and you deserve space and time. Trust me, it’s for the best and you’ll wish you had started sooner.
LET ART HEAL YOUR HEART
Listen to music, lots of it. Good, sad, upbeat, soft, anything so long as you listen to it for the love of music and music alone. Don’t try and make connections with songs about the love that got away, just sit back and immerse yourself in the joy that listening to music brings to people. Watch your favorite movies or series. Grab some popcorn and become a couch potato for the weekend. One girl I know got over the guy she loved by literally just watching back to back episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S for an entire week. She later told us it was the best week she had had in a long time. So something here definitely works when you’re the victim of unrequited love. So what’re you waiting for? Grab your DVD and popcorn and let the party begin.
TAKE A BREAK AND CATCH A HOLIDAY
There’s always something or the other that holds us back from taking a mini holiday, be it work or exams or just conflicting schedules. Now would be the time to treat yourself to that vacation you were dreaming of. Maybe you dreamt about going with the love of your life, but hey! There are always other special people you can go with. It could be your best friend, your siblings or even your mom. Imagine all the bonding you’ll get to do on this holiday with the person who’s always been right there for you from the start. Most importantly, sometimes physically getting away from the area where he lives is essential. Even if it’s for a couple of days, being away from the place where all the heartbreak took place and exploring new and exciting places can sometimes be the answer to coping with lost love.
OUT WITH OLD, IN WITH THE NEW!
If you realize that the two of you had a lot of stuff in common, like similar interests and a lot of mutual friends, then it’s not going to be as easy to get over them. There’s always going to be a friend who’ll mention his name unintentionally, or you might bump into him at the local bar where you both hang out a lot. Seeing him every time will bring back memories of dejection and sadness all over again. You may think about going into hibernation altogether but there’s a better option. There are probably thousands of friendly people out there waiting to get to know you, or just to meet new people. You need to change your outlook and step up your social ladder. You don’t have to lose your good friends who happen to be his friends too, I’m sure they’ll understand what you’re trying to do. There’s always time to meet new people and adopt new hobbies, you’ve just got to have the right attitude and tell yourself you can do it. In short, keep yourself so busy that you barely have time to stop and feel sorry for yourself.
HAVE A HEART-TO-HEART WITH A TRUSTED ONE
Bottled up emotions are sometimes the most dangerous ones. We suppress all our feelings of hurt and bury them deep down, telling ourselves not to cry and that we’re ok. The truth is, this is not the way you heal. Healing only takes place when you confront the bitter sad truth, let it walk all over you and eventually, the feeling subsides and you feel brand new. Yes, it’s gonna hurt but what are best friends for if not for lending a shoulder to cry on. Have a deep conversation about the guy who doesn’t love you back, how you longed for him to return the same feelings. Tell her how he walked away and never looked back and how lonely you felt. It will sound ridiculous but get a good cry out of it, vent out your feelings of rejection and of feeling unloved once and for all. Then take a deep breath and let it all go. Hug your bestie and feel safe in the knowledge that there are plenty of other people who love you and care for you.
PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA!
Once you start to feel like the guy you love is slowly but surely fading from your heart, don’t resign yourself to staying single. If there’s a guy who seems genuinely interested in you and seems like relationship material, go on and agree to meet him for a quick coffee. It may seem impossible to ever feel the same way for someone again, but never say never! Have faith in your heart. However bruised it maybe, it still has the capacity to love people. Even if you don’t feel too attracted, it’s alright. At least you got to hang out with someone nice who made you feel special and wanted.
Most of the time, loving someone who doesn’t love you back seems like the end of the world. We feel crushed and we think we’ll always be affected by this heart-ache. True, but only to the point of how we choose to react and rise out of our misery. Your actions and reactions to this phase in your life will probably shape the kind of person you will be tomorrow. You may realize that you deserve a lot better, and move on to find your soul-mate, or you’ll carry the hurt with you and turn into a cynic who doesn’t believe in love altogether. Whatever route you choose to take, just remember to love yourself first always, and never settle for any less than you deserve. There’s always someone out there who loves you, just the way you are.