The grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence!” Just might be one of the most common clichés we’ve come to know and use. Although sometimes that grass is greener (that’s an entirely different blog), most times it isn’t. There are a lot of things that contribute to peoples’ issues in their relationships, but let’s talk about one thing that can deceive you and push you to that “greener grass!” Let’s talk about when you put your relationship up on the comparison block…come follow me!

1. Comparison to Other Couples

Every relationship is different and has different dynamics that keep them functioning in either a positive or negative way. There isn’t one right or wrong way, but sometimes we compare our relationships to other couples’ relationships without knowing the dynamics of their relationship. One of the worst things your mate ever wants to hear is “well “so & so” (fill in couple) do “so & so” (fill in thing). Mannnn listen, if you want to start a fight then start a sentence off with that statement! It automatically breeds defensiveness and it’s usually met with “Well we ain’t “so & so!”

Furthermore, “If you want to be like “so & so” go live with them!!” My point is simple, you have to find out what works for YOUR marriage or relationship and do that very WELL! Not saying you can’t learn from other couples, but I am saying that if you keep trying to live up to some other couples standard of “happy” you may just never reach it.

The grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence!” Just might be one of the most common clichés we’ve come to know and use. Although sometimes that grass is greener (that’s an entirely different blog), most times it isn’t. There are a lot of things that contribute to peoples’ issues in their relationships, but let’s talk about one thing that can deceive you and push you to that “greener grass!” Let’s talk about when you put your relationship up on the comparison block…come follow me!

2. Comparison to Yourself

Just because your mate doesn’t do things the way that YOU would do them doesn’t mean your mate is either. I’ve probably had this conversation with hundreds of clients and even with my wife! Yeah I know you think YOUR way is the only way but it’s not. Sometimes he might fold the laundry differently and sometimes she might not clean the car the way you do but ask yourself….did the laundry get folded? Did the car get cleaned? We could save ourselves so much frustration if we would realize that DIFFERENT isn’t WRONG! Your way isn’t the only way so find a way to come to agreement. This may help save a lot of attitude and nagging!

3. comparison to single people
Trust me… I get it! You used to be hot and lusty for each other every day during the newlywed phase. Then suddenly real life happened and all of the lust, romance and spontaneity started to fade. The truth is that it still exists it just takes conscious effort to bring it out. Instead of comparing your relationship or marriage to what it “used to be” find a way to find happiness in the season that you are now in as a couple. Happiness comes in different forms but if you keep looking back it’s hard to focus on and move towards whats in front of you. Fellas, comparing your woman now to who she was before the marriage, children, and never ending responsibility will keep you in an unhappy state of the “I remember whens.” Ladies, comparing your man now to the six pack having jock he was in college will keep you in the same state. This isn’t an excuse for anyone letting themselves go or not being sweet and treating their mate well, I’m just saying learn to adapt and find happiness in the season you are in!

Bottom line is that comparison can be a silent killer to your relationship or marriage. While it’s okay to find things to strive towards, we have to learn what our own definitions of happy are and then focus on bringing those together as a couple. That grass isn’t always greener so don’t let comparison cause you to jump over the fence or let your own grass become dead and brown!

Source:  blackandmarriedwithkids.com