I’ll be honest — when I first started dating my fiancé, one of the things that I found a little scary was the whole overnight bag thing. When is it OK to bring it? Should I just show up with it? What should I pack in it? And I know. Believe me I know. It’s pretty weird, but go easy on me here. I had been single for quite some time before we got together. The problem was, however, that I found it pretty necessary after staying a few nights at his place. I’m a gal and he’s a guy. He also lives with another guy so there were certain things that they just didn’t have that I needed. And since I want to believe I’m not the only weirdo out there, we’re doing a three-part series on how to handle it all. First up– how not to let the overnight bag freak you out.

Breathe (and remember this stuff is probably all in your head). First things first, there are many other things to freak about when it comes to a relationship. You might feel like this could make or break things, but it’s actually pretty low on the scale. Second, no relationship has actually ended because a gal brought an overnight bag. If things ended just after that then it was probably going to end anyway.

Remember that he likes you. If you’re spending time together (and nights at each other’s places) then it’s pretty likely that he’s into you. And guys aren’t that bothered by a gal they like bring a bag over when she’s staying a couple nights.

Realize that he probably doesn’t think any of this is a big deal. To be totally honest, I don’t remember my fiancé fretting about bringing things or even mentioning it to me. He just started bringing things in his work bag. I secretly think this is something that we, as gals, worry about.

Ease into it and don’t be afraid. If you can just throw a few things in your work bag then by all means, do it. That’s a good way to ease into this whole thing. But also don’t be afraid to just ask him if it’s cool if you bring a bag with a few things. It will put your mind at ease when he responds with something like, “Hah, of course you can”.

Don’t obsess. When he says yes (because he will), don’t give him a list of all the things you are bringing or ask him a million questions about what you should bring. Just throw a few things on your bag and go about your business. This is just like any other time you’ve stayed the night at his place. It’s just a nice bonus to have some of your things so you don’t have to use his 2-in-1 shampoo.