First, I’ll start this article by saying, “just kidding.” I have immense loyalty to black women, and that’s all I’ve ever dated in my adult life. But after reading the article “8 Reasons to date a white man,” I just had to respond for the brothers. We know white men are just as imperfect as the rest of us. But the idea that the author decided to put white males on a pedestal above black men without considering the challenges of being black in America had me fuming. So, here are some reasons that those brothers who date white women might have decided to do so:
1) THEY DON’T BLAME ALL THEIR PROBLEMS ON BLACK MEN
If you’re beautiful, educated, successful and can’t keep a man, must it always be because black men are fundamentally flawed? How about taking some responsibility for what happens in your own life? You can start by getting your relationship advice from someone other than Steve Harvey – you do know he’s a comedian, right? If you’re getting relationship advice from a comedian, don’t be surprised when your love life turns into a complete joke.
2) BEING NICE IS NOT A CRIME
This isn’t representative of all sisters, but I’m sure you know the angry black woman whose face stays crinkled up like a piece of aluminum foil, and every situation is begging for a fight. Black women sometimes breed a natural toughness among one another, and that toughness can be rough to deal with. Your soul doesn’t have to be made of beef jerky and a man shouldn’t have to fight through 45 layers of bitter resentment to find the window to your kindness.
3) THEY UNDERSTAND THAT A WOMAN CAN BE INDEPENDENT WITHOUT EMASCULATING EVERY MAN IN HER PATH
Yes, I know you don’t “need no man to take care of you.” I know that you’re not going to “let no man tell you what to do.” I know you’re not going to bend over backward to make a man happy, or to make him want to be with you. But perhaps there’s something to the idea of making a man feel like a man, especially if you expect your man to make you feel like a woman.
4) THEY DON’T CHASE AFTER THE THING THEY HATE THE MOST
We all know this sister. She’s the Halle Berry type, as fine as she can be, but always ends up crying with you at dinner over a glass of wine. Every man she meets starts off as the answer to her prayers and ends up being the devil incarnate. She is approached regularly by nice guys, but finds herself turning them down for the exciting, wealthy, well-dressed, smooth brother who always breaks her heart. Even worse, she ends up with the thugged out, baby-mama-having cheater whom she finds to be irresistible. That’s when she comes to the insightful and consistent conclusion that “black men aint Shyte.”
5) THEY DON’T WORSHIP THEIR PASTORS AND JUDGE THEIR MEN BY CHURCH ATTENDANCE
Many black women state that they only want a man who is “equally yoked,” which pretty much makes me a bad egg (yes, I always thought the word “yoke” had an “L” in it, which tells you how often I go to church). You really think that a man in the church is more ethical, kind and considerate than the rest of us? Give me a break. Also, some of us wonder why you put your preacher on a pedestal and expect us to do the same. If you only choose men you meet in church, you won’t have much to choose from. In fact, you might just end up sharing the pastor with other women.
6) THEY DON’T THINK THAT MATERIAL SUCCESS AND PHYSICAL ATTRACTION ARE EVERYTHING
Never in my life have I valued physical beauty or financial success more than inner beauty. But if you listen to some sisters talk, the entire conversation starts and ends with how good they look, how educated they are, and why no man is smart enough to appreciate it. If you are only judging yourself and other people on shallow and superficial attributes, then you will ultimately have a shallow and superficial life.
7) THEY DON’T CONSIDER YOU A FAILURE IF YOU STRUGGLE ECONOMICALLY
The most humiliating thing in the world is a woman who clowns a man for not having enough money or getting his credit card declined. But we all know the sister who does just that. I hate the idea of a woman running to white men because they have more money. Yes, white males have more money, because that’s what happens when you can oppress and rob a group of people for half a millenium. Face it: The average black man is not going to have the same wealth level as the average white man, because white men had a 400 year head start.
8. THEY MIGHT BE WILLING TO SELF-REFLECT
The breakdown of the black family is not solely the fault of the black man. There’s usually a woman in every relationship. Also, if your kids don’t have their father, remember that you may have played a role in pushing the man out of their lives. If you grow up in a home without the male present, you may be tempted to see the man as an accessory rather than a necessity. So, when things get rough, you tell him to hit the road or choose to make life miserable for him. Also, the give and take of relationships is typically learned from watching our parents, so the single parent homes in black America don’t provide a very good incubator for good relationship choices. This goes for both men and women, not just us men.