Sometimes as a woman, you find yourself at a complete loss when your husband or boyfriend suddenly stops acting like the almost-perfect gentleman you fell in love with, and you begin to ask questions like “Where did it all go so wrong?” “Is there someone else?” Am I no longer as attractive to him?” “Did I fall in love with the wrong man?” and a host of other ones in your head. But sometimes, all you might need to do is to NOT shake off that nagging voice in your head saying “Did I cause this?” because sometimes, it boils down to self-examination.
While I am not saying women are to blame whenever a man seems to be deviating from who he is, and who you know him to be, it is a possibility that you do not realize how much influence you have on your boyfriend/husband and his behavior and reactions. Women need to realize how powerful they are in the lives of men; the way life is structured, a woman determines the quality of life a man has, I’m not talking about standard though, but the quality of his life. And while I agree there are some jerks out there that no matter what you do or how you do those things, they will still be jerks; it is your responsibility as a woman to determine what is good for you, who you should walk away from or who you should be with through thick and thin – as not every ‘good’ man is good for you.
The issue of morale is a big deal for everybody, but a bigger deal for men when it comes to our women. Most times, men are particularly more competitive and concerned with power and success, and it may be harder to tell someone whenever we feel fragile that we need help, especially when we feel the person we should talk to would not be sympathetic, and this is a major reason why we men tend to want to take some decisions on our own, this could be a bad thing on its own, but at the same time it could be a reaction to the level of our morale.
While I’m not excusing the bad behaviors of some irresponsible men, I have seeing ‘good’ men who have strayed from their marriages because the other woman has a better listening ear and would always ‘seem’ to be a better pillar of support and strength (even if she is not) than the gorgeous and successful wife at home. Morale like I said earlier is a much bigger issue for men especially in marriage and committed relationship, it has everything to do with a man’s emotional or mental condition with respect to cheerfulness, confidence, and zeal, especially in the face of opposition and hardship. So what are the things you should do or not do as a woman to boost your man’s degree of mental health and moral confidence?
Below are 6 things that might help, but I tell you this is nowhere near comprehensive, there are a lot of other ways you can boost your man’s morale, but trying out these 6 will surely ensure your man will be a happier guy and a better boyfriend or husband.
- Stop Yelling At Him.
Yelling at your man him like you would at a child will only emasculate him further. If there’s something that you want to talk about, talk to each other calmly. And if he yells at you, just wait till he calms down and point it out to him that you don’t like to be yelled at, but if he doesn’t change after much correction, you know what to do, you don’t have to be with him.
- Don’t Make Him Feel Stupid
When he talks about his bad day or tells you about a mistake he made, don’t tell him right away how he could have done it or handled it better. Doing this has a way of halting communication because you’re already offering a solution when he simply wants to talk about the options he has. So, just listen to him and after exploring his options, offer suggestions without forcing it down his throat; men have big egos and it doesn’t matter if we are older or younger than you, we simply don’t want you to make us feel stupid.
- Give Him His Space.
Give him some time off once in a while so he can go out or spend some time by himself or with his friends if he has some. If his idea of having friends will become a problem to you after marriage, let him know before you tie knot, no man will simply agree to drop his friends at your instance just because he is now married. A man does not change from who he was before the wedding day to who you want him to be one week into marriage, it takes some time. So don’t try to force him to do that immediately, let him have some social life and see how happy he will be whenever he is with you.
- Thank Him When He Offers His Little Help.
Some ladies feel that, saying ‘thank you’ all the time is not necessary, that a man is simply doing his duty as a man whenever he does something for them or to them. This is wrong, as a man wants to be appreciated for those little and normal things like dropping you at home after work, or after you have visited him, opening and holding the door for you at the mall, and all other things that seem normal and inconsequential. A man will feel more like a man when his woman behaves like a lady around him, especially when she is courteous to him. And when he does something for you he considers manly, like lifting something heavy, fixing a door, or opening the lid of a tight jar, thank him and compliment his strength or his manliness at the same time; it’ll give him the macho boost he so badly craves from you.
- Don’t Try To Be His Mother.
A lot of people say that once two people are married, or in a committed relationship, the man becomes like a father to the lady and she, like his mother. Nothing is farther from the truth, most women might be looking for a father figure in a man, but most guys I know are not looking for same, they are not interested in someone trying to replace their mothers, whether she is dead or alive; they simply want a woman who will do those things their mothers could not do for them. So, while it is good for you to make suggestions for him and motivate him, or help him become better at something he’s already good at; try to do so without babying him, a man needs motivation, and not babying. And be rest assured that every time he succeeds at something, or achieves something through your motivation, he’d be grateful to you and feel more like a man at the same time.
- Communicate Properly With Each Other.
There is a need to open up and talk about each other’s failures and successes without being judgmental. And most importantly, in the face of challenges and failures, empathize with your man and tell him clearly that you understand what he’s going through; and that you too would have been just as confused if you were in his place. When you say that, you’re comforting him and letting him know that it’s human to make mistakes, while offering suggestions at the same time. But when you say words like “I told you so” “I know what I’m saying” the only thing he hears from you is “I know better than you, you don’t know what you are saying, and you are not capable of seeing things like I see them” and before you know it, ego will enter the picture and morale will be all time low. So, please communicate better with your man, and instead of him feeling threatened or emasculated by you, he’d only feel more confident about himself, and love you more for being the best thing to happen in his life. Stay Blessed.