Every girl wants to be the one who makes men go crazy. But you don’t have to be the most beautiful woman in the room or have any kind of natural talent or je ne sais quoi to be the irresistible girl. Being irresistible is simply a matter of a mastering a few techniques that leave men wanting more.
Disclaimer: There are schools of thought who might say that some of these techniques are manipulative or dishonest. The fact is that being irresistible means not being an open book. If that makes me dishonest, then so be it. Laying all your cards on the table immediately is a surefire way to be… well, resistible.
That said, let’s get to it! Follow these techniques and you’ll have men telling their friends that there’s just something about you.
Don’t Be So Goddamn Present
This is one of the biggest mistakes I see women make when they are dating a man, especially in the early stages. As my mother says, he can’t miss you if you’re always around. It can be difficult if you really want to be around this guy, and it’s even harder if you have the feeling that he really wants to be around you as well. I’m sure he does. Still. Resist the urge. A big part of the dating dynamic is the longing for someone: remembering their smell, recalling an intimate moment, or thinking about what qualities about them you like.
But there is yet another reason why you should be absent every once in awhile. Feeling that someone needs you, especially early in a relationship, is a turn off, especially for men. Therefore here are a few ways you can be less present with your guy, and drive him crazy (in a good way) in the process.
How to Be Less Present While Texting
Let’s face it: texting is one of our primary modes of communication between SOs these days. Learning how to be just a little bit absent while texting will serve you well.
Rule 1: Never be the last one to text.
Trust me on this one. Every time you’re in a texting conversation, make sure that he is the last to text. When he texts you, he will be waiting for your response, even if it’s just an “ok” or a “goodnight.” If your response to his text message isn’t necessary, don’t send it. It will cause him to wait by his phone wondering if you are going to respond.
Rule 2: Always have a slower text-back tempo than him.
You know the text-back tempo: the speed at which someone replies to a text. The rhythm of the conversation, if you will. Keep an idea of how long it took him to respond to your last text message, and don’t text him back quicker than he texts you back. It’s a turn off to appear that you have nothing going on. You’re just as busy as him (or you want him to think so, anyway). Therefore don’t respond to texts immediately. Take your time. As much time as him, to be exact.
Rule 3: Wait and see if he texts first.
Say you two set up a date for Thursday night. It’s Wednesday night and you haven’t heard from him since Tuesday morning when you sent you that funny work meme. You’re just about to pick up the phone to see if you’re still on for dinner, but after you entered the message and before you hit “send,” you decide to wait a couple of hours. He texts you 45 minutes later.
While you were deliberating about your text message, your guy was at home playing the game too: he’s composed a text message and hasn’t hit “send.” He’s waiting to see if you text first.
You say to yourself that the reason you want to text him is because you want to make other plans with your bestie if dinner isn’t on. But that’s not the real reason. The real reason you’re texting is because you want to talk to him and make sure that you still have plans.
There are times when you may need to text. But 99% of the time, why not just wait and see if he texts you first? Make him wonder where you are. Make him miss you. Make him think about how much he wants to be talking to you.
Get a Life (or If You Must, Pretend to)
Next, you need to get a life. It’s ok (preferable, even) to decline invitations because you’ve already made other plans. But if you haven’t declined an invitation from your guy in a while, it might be time to just pretend to be busy or make plans with your girlfriends when you know he is going to invite you to do something. Don’t be rude or cancel plans at the last minute, but it’s ok to cancel plans the day before or to say that something came up. It will be a little reminder to him that you aren’t always sitting around waiting to hang out with him.
The Date is Getting Good? Time to Leave.
The date is going well. The sexual tension between you is so thick you could cut it with a knife, the conversation is engaging, and everything about his body language indicates that he is all about you. This is the perfect time to say that you’re getting tired, have someplace to be, or some other excuse to end the evening.
Letting your time together fizzle is a great way of making your guy think that you are just another resistable girl. Over time, any date will fizzle no matter how great it was. Even the best movies in the world would suck if they were too long. The best vacation in the universe would lose its luster if it went on for months. The fact that these things have an end point is exactly what makes them so precious.
Don’t let your date get to the fizzle point. Even if you could talk all night, resist. Leave after a couple of hours at that particular moment when he feels the most confident that the date is flawless.
This has a few desired effects. First, it will make him miss you more when you’re not there. It will also make him remember the date more fondly because there was no point at which he was thinking about grabbing a cab and heading home. Finally, it shifts the power directly to you. You called the shots for a minute, which is sexy.
There are often times when you are dating someone with whom you feel quite uninhibited. You feel that you can talk to them about anything. But to begin with at the very least, leave a little mystery. Not only should he be wondering where you are and why you’re not texting him, but he should also be wondering about who you are: what’s your endgame? What are you about? Where do you come from?
Our minds fill in blank spaces in stories, narratives, and information clusters with information that makes sense and is appealing to us. Leaving gaps in your personal information lets him fill it in imaginatively in his mind. Additionally, a little bit of mystery makes things exciting.
Show Your Passion
A previous boyfriend once told me that he knew he was really into me when we got into a passionate argument on date number 3 about political beliefs. We didn’t agree, but showing that I was passionate about something was what made him realize that he couldn’t resist me.
Don’t worry about coming across as weird on disagreeable. Whatever you’re into, whether it’s political beliefs, your favorite band, or the Comicon convention, own it proudly. It makes you appear confident, because you don’t care what he thinks. But it also allows you to show him what you’re like at your best. When you are passionate, your eyes are big, your face lights up, and you smile more. You’re happier, and that makes you look sexy.
Use Body Language
Some people might call this being a tease. We prefer to say that we “don’t give in completely.” If you think about it, using body language to leave him wanting more is just an extension of what we’ve already discussed with texting, leaving the date early, and declining invitations every once in awhile. Make it a game to find as many ways as possible to use body language to be irresistible. There are plenty of ways to do this, but here are a few to get you started:
- Hold hands “obliquely.” While holding hands, don’t hold too tight, and hold his hand in a way that leaves some space between your palm and his.
- Likewise, sit slightly obliquely to him. Don’t face him head on with your knees pointing directly at him and your forehead in a position where, if you two were sitting head to head, your foreheads would touch. Put your forehead at an angle to his.
- When you kiss, pull away a little bit occasionally to be fun and flirty. It will make him lean into you more since you were previously mid-kiss, putting you in a sexy position of power.
- Pull away from a kiss or holding hands before he does.
With a little practice, you can leave him wanting more every time. The key is to have the confidence to pull away while things are still good. Sure, he may have a six pack and lips like George Clooney’s, but irresistible girls don’t let him know that they even noticed. You’re beautiful and sexy, so of course he is into you. Now, use these tips and techniques to ensure that you’re running through his mind constantly.