Whether you’re on the first date or the third, when you begin dating a new guy, you have a tendency to overthink the little things. This over thinking takes you out of the moment, and you never seem to enjoy yourself.
Don’t worry! You’re not alone! A lot of women suffer from the anxiety that causes over thinking and the overthinking that leads to more unnecessary anxiety on a date. Luckily, there are ways to stop yourself from going down this road. By replacing the compulsive thoughts with new thoughts, you can stay in the moment, and enjoy your date and your new man.
So, if you’re an overthinking on early dates, check out these five thoughts that keep most women detached, and reattach yourself with the replacement thoughts given.
1) How Do I Look?
He said I look pretty today, but I saw that zit, and I know he saw it too. Cover up didn’t help, and I can see his eyes glancing at it! I know everyone gets zits, but why did this one come at this time? Oh, jeez, it’s so humid outside, even though I straightened my hair, I still have poodle curls. Ugh! I look like hell and I know he sees it!
No he doesn’t. He sees you. Any good man knows that zits go away and frizz is a part of hair. Do not assume that he is looking at what you consider flaws. In general, a man doesn’t see or care about your flaws until you point them out to him. So don’t point them out to him.
He will, however, notice your detached demeanor as you think about all of these things. So, instead of obsessing over all of the little things that went wrong with your appearance on this date, start thinking about everything that went right.
You’re stoked that your new jeans make your legs and b*tt look dynamite! You did your eye makeup perfectly! You just got your nails done! Think of those things every time that zits pops into your head or the humidity comes back.
2) A Specific Part of Your Body
Every woman has that one thing that she would change about herself if given the chance. Some women focus on this area in unhealthy ways. Some women seem to only think about this area when their appearance seems to be important (like on a first date). Suddenly, this area of your body is the only thing you can think about.
Chubby cheeks? Wide hips? Bitten Fingernails? Consider what you focus on when you go out on a date. Many women become terrified when they think of this portion of their body. They can convince themselves that it is the only thing he will see.
Overthinking about one part of your body can draw attention to that area. Your discomfort will lead to you touching that area or even mentioning it to him. You don’t want to do either of these things, because in the end, it will only make you more uncomfortable.
Don’t think about those areas. Instead, focus on the areas of your body that you like the most. What are the areas of your body you want to highlight. Find these areas, and highlight them, then he will focus on them.
3) What He’s Thinking About
Does he like you? Does he hate you? Is he in any way interested in dating you? How many people is he dating? Is he uninterested? Does he feel the vague “spark” all men talk about?
Repeat after me: Who cares?
Much like a job interview, you should be engaged in the conversation while you are on a date, but you shouldn’t get your hopes up. Don’t try to get into his head. You’ll find that you are stuck in your own thoughts, and you’ll come off as preoccupied.
You’ll know what was going on in his head when he calls you back or doesn’t.
So, while you are on your date, think of the conversation you are having. Don’t worry about your answers. Just focus on answering questions and responding honestly and from the heart.
4) His Reaction to Something You Say
Again, don’t waste your energy trying to get into his mind. If he squirmed or winced at an answer you gave to one of his questions, don’t get side-tracked. If you’d like, point out his reaction in a manner that doesn’t make him uncomfortable.
It is important to be yourself on dates. Make sure you don’t answer questions based on his reactions. This can lead to you withholding, which can bite you in the long run.
Again, focus on your honesty. Focus on your engagement in the conversation. Discuss your answers, if he winces in his initial reaction.
5) What He Looks Like
Ooh! He looks so good. How could I ever get him? Or Wow! He does not look like the pictures sent to me. Okay, we can often be struck when we see a guy for the first time. No one can ever fully prepare herself for a new face. 99% of the time, he will not look like you expect.
Having a reaction to his appearance (good or bad) is perfectly natural. However, it is not a good idea to focus on his looks throughout the date. It is also unhealthy to focus on comparing his looks to your looks throughout the date.
Appearance truly is a very small part of attraction, and the time it is most important is the first impression. However, after conversation and discussion, you will learn more about him. This information will be more important to your attraction to him and his attraction to you than the appearance.
Therefore, it is not recommended to focus on his physical appearance. Instead, think about what you’d like to know about him. What are the things that attract you to men? Consider the questions you will ask him to get to know him