4. You can almost never order clothes online.
Because store sizes are so off, you’re a 10 at one place and a 16 at the other, so you never know how it will fit.

5.  You can’t remember the last time you wore shorts.
There’s no way your hips and butt are going to fit into those cute cut offs you spotted at Forever21

6. When you wear a dress, your hem rises at least three inches — but only in the back.
Introducing the dress mullet: business in the front, party in the back.