“Bitter” Is So Not Your color, If You Are Divorce

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“Bitter” is so not your color.

We all know that divorce changes everything. Your address. Your finances. Your last name. Even the people you previously called your friends. With the swish of a pen and a few hefty court fees, life as you knew it changes dramatically — whether you like it or not.

Society tells us that finding that special person to marry and stay with “forever” is the key to ultimate human happiness (thanks for nothing, every romantic comedy EVER!).

So, where does that leave you when your own “happily ever after” relationship meets with a most unhappy ending? How do you let go of the life you dreamed of and make peace with the very different life you face now?

In the  above, host and dating coach Charles Orlando sits down with a panel of Experts to find out how to keep divorce grief from ruining the rest of your life. The Experts include: life coach Patty Blue Hayes, psychotherapist Foojan Zeine, couples and individualtherapist Anabelle Bugatti, and attorney and advisor Karen Covy.

watch video at: yourtango.com

They all acknowledge the very real heartbreak that often accompanies the end of a marriage. They understand the pain of letting go of the dreams you held dear for the relationship that’s ending. “I think this is the most heartbreaking part above divorce,” says Patty Blue Hayes.

And yet, the Experts all agree — Divorce doesn’t have to make you jaded. There is a NEW happiness waiting for you, if you’re willing to think differently about a few critical things. 

In their conversation, the Experts explore the healthy steps for moving on from a variety of angles, including:

  • Listing the unexpected things people often find themselves grieving as their marriage ends
  • How to use mindfulness to heal the hurt
  • Why giving a middle finger to society’s expectations is often necessary
  • How to summon your courage to face (and even embrace) your new reality
  • Recognizing how holding onto relationship myths dooms your relationships to failure
  • The essential step you must take to ensure you enjoy healthier relationships moving forward

No one is saying divorce is easy. But, when you look at it in context, divorce is an opportunity, a new beginning … not just an ending. How you step into both aspects of it determines what your life will look like on the other side of the journey. “You have two choices: You either change your reality, or you change your expectations,” says Karen Covy. “I think divorce gives you the opportunity to do both.”

Look, it’s OK to feel sad. It’s OK to grieve the life you thought was your forever story. Feel those feelings, just don’t linger in them.

There’s still a lot of life left to live. Bitterness doesn’t suit you. But, happiness does! So watch the video above for some on-the-spot advice to help shift your mind in a new, more positive direction.