1. You debate liking your own photo when it’s been chilling at 10 likes for a while. Nobody needs to see that your mom and grandma jumped on that before everyone else did.
2. You debate deleting your photo if only three people liked it. Nobody needs to see that your mom and grandma were the only ones who jumped on that.
3. Why did Becky get 10 more likes and comments on the exact same selfie you posted? You made her send you the photo so you could post it too and hashtag #twinsies and this is what you get?
4. You rearrange your home-cooked spaghetti noodles six times for the sake of #foodimade. Dinner is cold and also tastes like burnt water somehow but you still win, you self-sufficient woman, you.
7. Each Saturday and Sunday morning, you feel all the Insta FOMO. How is it that on the one night you decided to stay in, Jen had a fancy cocktail party and everyone wore goofy masks?? Dammit!
8. Edging the delicate balance between being a pro-Instagrammer and flooding peoples’ feeds. Vow to cool it on the drunk posts and return Sunday night with a punny #sundayfunday pic. Do it.
9. #Hashtag #anxiety is #real. Is #fun a #real #hashtag?
10. No one will know if you filter your #nofilter selfie just a litttttle bit, right? Oh, they’ll know. They’ll know.
11. Picking which one of your seven selfie angles is best for the occasion. It’s almost too much. Jen, make this decision for me.
12. Your mom’s discovery of #TBT looms over you each Wednesday night. You wake up each Thursday to “@mom tagged you in a photo: Baby! So cute baby! #TBT #LOL” notification and you just know it’s going to be that photo of you on the training toilet.
14. You know drunkgram regret all too well. Documenting those bodyshots you took off Kevin’s belly button was a great idea at the time.
15. You scroll through the last three years of your Insta and wonder if this accurately represents you. Do people know that my burnt pasta didn’t taste good? Is the sarcasm in my #CrazyDogLady hashtag conveyed properly? Do I care too much what people think? Ugh, I don’t know, let me take a pensive selfie.