1. If you delve inside our gigantic handbag you’ll most likely find tissues, tissues and more tissues.
You thought the oversized bag was for our make-up and a variety of snacks, didn’t you? You were wrong! Well, no, actually you were kind of right. But in addition to our elevenses collection we must keep at least three packets of Kleenex handy, because you just never know when we might get sniffly.
2. Anything animal-related is guaranteed to start us off. Especially baby goats. And that video of a dog holding hands (paws?) with a cat. And that GIF of the duckling who keeps nodding off… Just don’t show us animals if you want dry eyes, OK?
3. We like to sit on the back row at the cinema so we can blub freely. Come with us, if you like. Come sit in the darkest, furthest-from-everybody corner there is, so we can get snotty together.
4. If we see an old couple holding hands, the rest of the day is a tearful write-off. Look at them! Out for a walk! Love is alive and well, and we know so because of this adorable pair and their adorable hand-holding.
We have named them Roy and Joan in our head and we will remember them in times of hardship.
5. It might be a good idea to mute that John Lewis advert when it comes on. You know, every Christmas ad they’ve ever made? With the cute animals or old people and Lily Allen/Ellie Goulding singing a popular hit in a slow, acoustic arrangement? *Sobbing*
6. You will soon learn what our different tears mean. Before long you will be able to spot the difference between ‘I know it’s childish but I want my mum’ tears, ‘I think I gained three stone overnight’ tears and ‘It’s sunny today and I’m just so happy to be alive’ tears. Give it time.
7. You might want to choose someone else to watch Planet Earth with. If you do choose us, prepare for lots of “But he was just a BABY!” and “That nasty snow leopard!” comments, shared in between tears and protestations that we could ALL be herbivores if we just put our minds to it.
8. We know our reasons for crying might seem odd but we just… feel things. Yes ALRIGHT, we cried 10 minutes ago because we felt a little rush of love for our childhood teddy, Rupert. What you gonna do.
9. Sometimes you think we’ve opted for a smoky make-up look but it’s just smudged eyeliner from our 2pm meltdown. TA-DAA! Oh, yes, it is that new palette, now you mention it. Worth every penny. Glad you’re a fan.
10. We are the best present receivers of all time. Most people’s reaction to opening a great present: “Oh, thank you – I love it!” Our reaction to opening a great present: Tears! Tissues! More tears and tissues! Declarations of love! So many tears we have to blow our nose!