6. He suddenly needs a lot of privacy.
“I was working from home and I started closing the door more often, saying that the kids were loud or that I just needed to work quietly. I was online chatting with my mistress.”
To take time for one’s self is normal. But when it’s out of the normal pattern—or is more and more frequent—it’s a sign that something else is going in. Going into work early, leaving late, getting off the phone suddenly, taking lots of private calls from a “relative” (mom, sister, someone untrackable) are also red flags.
7. He has a drastic change in s*xual appetite and style.
“I started my affair and all I wanted was s*x, but not from my wife. She knew something was up, because our s*x life was always pretty active.”
“After I started up with [my mistress], I started sleeping with my wife much more often. She told me I was really aggressive in bed and that she hadn’t seen me that way before.”
A sudden shift in what’s “regular” or familiar in bed—without discussing wanting something new—is a big warning sign of cheating. All the men I interviewed expressed experiencing a huge rush of testosterone, which manifested as a new confidence during s*x.
They felt strong, masculine, virile … like every woman wanted them. Their egos were growing daily.
8. He hides his financial history from you.
“I was meeting [her] for lunch almost daily. And our hotel visits were three or four times per week. Covering that was very difficult. I opened a PayPal account, got a PayPal debit card and attached a personal checking account to [my PayPal account]. I would make online transfers into PayPal and she couldn’t see any of my transactions.”
Most cheating men will need an untraceable way to pay for things: gifts, meals, hotels, trips, etc. Reloadable credit cards, PayPal accounts, eBay purchases are all great ways to hide large or frequent transactions. Definitely investigate large, random transfers or cash withdrawals.
9. He has new “friends” at work and/or more work responsibilities.
“My company allowed me to work from home if I choose. But I’d started a relationship with a new manager at the office, so I started going in to work more often. Extending my business trips a day before or after I was actually needed at a remote site, extended office lunches and late hours.”
Office affairs are very common, especially considering how much time we spend working together.
He might mention his new “friend” to dispel any suspicions you have and if you pop in to the office unexpectedly, he might even introduce you to his “coworker” to throw you off the scent.
Follow your gut and pay attention to his other behaviors.
10. He’s secretive with his technology.
“iMessages on the iPhone are untraceable on cell phone bills. I would only text [my mistress] when it was safe and then delete the messages immediately. To this day my wife doesn’t know how I communicated with [my mistress].”
“I bought SnapChat on my cellphone to communicate with her.”
“I didn’t want to send email, which are traceable. So, we established a new Gmail account and communicated in the drafts folder, without ever sending anything.”
“We bought Gliph and were sending anonymous, ‘cloaked’ email.”
Technology is now smarter and affairs have gone high-tech.
A new password on his cellphone or computer, a change of password at your bank or cellphone company or cellphones being “left in the car” were once valid signs of infidelity.
But now, cheaters fly under the radar by using technology to do their communication dirty work. Apps exist that allow text messages, online chat sessions and pictures to last for a certain amount of time (and then disappear). Pay attention to new email accounts and new apps being used on his cell phone.
While these signs aren’t foolproof signs of cheating, a few taken in combination are sure signs that something is up.
My advice: don’t make accusations that you can’t back up. But, if you do suspect it, sit him down for a long talk about your concerns. If that nagging feeling doesn’t disappear, you have some choices to make—and perhaps some investigations to start.