How do you know when someone truly deserves a second chance, or when it’s time to ditch them and move on? These 10 signs should help you make a decision.
You’ve been dating for ages
Although time doesn’t excuse every relationship sin, if this is the first time your boyfriend has messed up and you’ve been dating a long time then it might be worth giving him a second chance. However, if your boyfriend has messed up badly and you’ve only been dating for two weeks you should be careful as this might be a sign he’s bad news.
Look at the past
If you could find out whether things would be good between you and your boyfriend if you forgave him it would make this whole business of deciding a lot easier. Yet sadly a time machine hasn’t been invented yet so how do you know for certain that they won’t mess up again? The answer: you won’t. However, looking back at the past can help you to predict the future so think about times when you have asked your boyfriend to change and try to figure out if they did or not. If they did, then it be might be a good idea to give him a second chance.
They make you happy 90 per cent of the time
Giving him a second chance will be hard work, so if you’re debating whether he deserves your forgiveness you need to work out if he is worth it. If you haven’t been happy in your relationship for a while, then chances are you’ll be better off without him. Yet if he makes you genuinely happy for the majority of the time perhaps he is worth that extra effort.
Why did it happen?
When you find out your boyfriend has behaved in a certain way, ask yourself why it happened. Did he know how you felt about whatever it is he has done? We girls sometimes think that guys can read our minds, but even Brangelina aren’t that in sync and sometimes it helps to talk through what we expect from one another. Obviously you don’t need to state that you expect him to be faithful, but for those less obvious things a conversation goes a long way.
Your friends and family think you should stay
Your friends and family are often the harshest critics of your boyfriend and listening to their advice will help you to work out whether you want to give him a second chance or not. Ask them their opinion and listen to what they have to say. If they give him the thumbs up and you agree with their thoughts then it might be worth trying to forgive him and see how things work out.
He’s still waiting for you
After someone has hurt you or told you lies it can be difficult to understand whether the person you are dating actually cares about you or not. If you are uncertain about his true feelings go on a relationship break and spend some time apart. Not only does a break mean you can’t get duped into forgiving him by his puppy-dog-pity eyes, the way he acts on the break will reveal what he truly wants. If he gets with other women and goes back to his bachelor lifestyle then he’s not worth forgiving, but if he stays faithful and puts his energy into changing his ways then maybe you should give him that second chance.
Switch the situation around
If you are struggling to work out whether you should forgive your boyfriend or not, switch it around and ask yourself if you acted how they had acted, would you expect to be forgiven? If the answer is yes, then take this as a sign that you should give him a second chance. Doing this exercise will reveal your true expectations about your relationship and it will help you to decide whether you should stick around with this guy or not.
He has made an effort to make it up to you
In the days or weeks after your boyfriend has upset you pay close attention to how they behave. If they are making an extra special effort with you and they go out of their way to reassure you then it shows you that they are genuinely sorry. Remember ladies, your forgiveness is a privilege that needs to be earned.
Ask yourself why you don’t want to forgive
Think about why you don’t want to forgive your boyfriend. If you are resisting even though what he did was not unforgivable, it may be because of your attitude towards forgiveness. For many, forgiveness is perceived as a weakness. Yet forgiving someone when they have messed up once is not weak and it does not mean you are a pushover. Try to figure out what your attitude is to forgiveness before trying to assess whether you should give him a second chance.
What happens next?
One of the best ways to figure out if you are ready to give him a second chance or whether it’s time you waved goodbye to your boyfriend is to think about what happens when he has to prove that he has changed or when a similar situation arises again. If you are to forgive him you need to be able to honestly say that you are able to put what has happened behind you both and not judge his future actions on his past behavior. If you are not able to do this, then you are not able to give him a second chance.