1. Accept whatever you feel.
Feelings aren’t good or bad, they just are. Realize that the “withdrawal” you are going through is akin to withdrawal from cocaine addiction. Practice kindness, empathy and compassion with yourself.
2. Don’t isolate yourself.
Start getting in touch with your family and friends who you think will understand what you are going through.
3. Get your diary out and filling it in with different activities, especially on the weekend.
Initially, you may not enjoy it, but now is the time to keep busy and be with your friends.
4. Get rid of the relationship reminders.
The pictures, cards and letters, gifts. If you don’t want to throw them out, give it to a friend to hold for you.
5. Break away completely from each other right after the breakup.
This means not seeing each other, not being around his/her family members, no phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages, no Facebook and no IMs. Just until you feel that you can converse with him/her on a purely platonic level, without an ulterior motive (like getting back together).
6. Stay away from the places you used to go to.
And don’t listen to “your love songs.” Listen to songs about surviving and feeling strong.
7. Keep a journal.
Write down all the things that were wrong with the relationship and the things that used to irritate you … especially when it is tempting to remember the relationship with rose-tinted glasses.
8. Keep reminding yourself that your happiness isn’t dependent on your ex.
Focus on finding happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family or signing up for that class you’ve always wanted to take, try new adventures. Do things that you couldn’t do while you were in the relationship.
9. Try to view the breakup as a chance for a new beginning.
Clean, clear and organize your personal space. As you let go of the old, you are creating space for the new things to come.
10. Focus on being in the present.
Every time you start obsessing about your ex, stop, ground yourself in the present by feeling your feet on the ground, listen to your breathing, be aware of the sights, smells and sounds around you. Start off doing this for 30 seconds and gradually build up the amount of time you can do this. You will start feeling more in control of your life, when you can take control of your thoughts.
You know that you are healing when your thoughts, behaviors and actions become more focused on you and less on him and when you are living more in the present and less in the past.
As you move on with your life as a single individual, look for the best in people and you’ll find it. Fall in love with life and you will find that it will love you back!