How many times have you met someone who has blown you off your feet but only to end up making you feel betrayed in the end?
“I first met my ex at a common friend’s place a year back. We hit it off soon and got talking. However, it was only after a few months that I started understanding the true side of him,” says Priyanjali Patkar, a 25-year-old advertising professional. She says, “He proposed to me a couple of months after I met him, and I fell for him easily because he came across as a really easy-going person with a good upbringing and a stable job. However, it was only after I started dating him that I realised that he had lied to me about every aspect of his life, only to leave me heart-broken with no choice but move out of the relationship.”
While for Priyanjali the relationship ended in a few months after knowing her ex, for most people, one may not even realise the extent of superficiality that is being put on in a relationship.
What leads to this behaviour?
Relationship counsellor Seema Hingorrany believes more often than not, this behaviour is triggered by people to just have fun in a relationship and not get committed to the person he or she is dating. She says, “Such people can easily put on a false identity and fool you into believing there is more to the relationship than what just meets the eye. For them it is a way of being in a temporary relationship, rather than being in a serious one.”
What are the signs?
If you think that the person you are dating could be a superficial charmer, here are a few ways you can spot it —
Going out of their way to make you feel good: If the person you have the liking for comes across to you as someone who is trying to please you more than required, chances are he/she is trying to be superficial. Calling you on a regular basis, keeping an update about your health, checking on your routine through SMS, are some of the signs.
Makes an effort to take you out on a date every week: Now, let’s get real. No one has that much of time to go out on a date three or four times every week. However, if the person does so, you should have your guards up instantly. Such people know how to charm and trick you into believing that no matter what, you are of utmost importance to them and they can go out of their way to make you feel special.
Proposes marriage to you in the first few meetings: For most women in their late 20s and 30s, this is a turn-on. A guy who sounds serious and makes promises of getting married comes across as someone who would stand by you in every step of your life. But you need to get real here. The first few meetings are definitely not where one can propose and make a life-long commitment like marriage. This is a very serious affair in your life and you must be sure of the person before you go ahead with such commitments.
How you can battle it out…
If you have already fallen for a person of this sort, don’t worry. There are ways you can get out of this situation.
Be firm if he/she approaches you again: Often such people do not realise that they’ve been caught off guard. Many try talking sweet after things have gone wrong between the two of you in the first instance. Make sure that you speak to him/her clearly about it and state that you’ve got an inkling about what he/she is trying to do.
Don’t get emotional: Getting emotional and falling victim to such people again is definitely a big no-no. Be strong in your approach and don’t get swayed by the reasons the person has to offer. Hingorrany adds, “You already know that the person has cheated on you with his/her superficial charm and can do it again if you fall weak and show signs of getting back with the person.”
Expose the person, if need be: Such people have the tendency to repeat the same with others and more often than not, never learn from their mistakes. To make sure that you teach them a lesson, it is always best to talk it out with common friends and family who can guide you on the same. This will also ensure that the person never tries to repeat the same behaviour with any other woman/man.