A Manual to Loneliness In Your 20s


I used to believe that the 20s was the best time in life. A time for independence, freedom, and for falling in love. While there are plenty of temptations and distractions, the decisions you make here are truly what dictate your future, as the weak fail and only the strong survive.

While many think they have all the answers and the keys to success, we have seen those people make the same pitfalls too many times before.

This is the time for you to hustle, scrap and fight for the life that you want for yourself. You manifest your own destiny during these crucial years.


If I could write a relationship guide to my 20-year old self, here’s what it would say:

1. Date…Yourself: The 20s really are an unbelievable time in life. As your independence growing, the world opens up in ways it never could have before. But more than anything, your 20s is actually a time of transformation. You are changing, growing, maturing, and mastering more rapidly than you could even imagine. Your character is just starting to take shape, and the seeds of interests, passions, talents that were planted in your teen years are only now starting to grow.

Know who you are, what you need, and where you’re going. Get a good grasp of the story you’re creating for yourself, because only then will you be able to recognize the kind of person who fits into your story.

2. Don’t Obsess on Being Single: I’m sad I wasted so many years focused on “being single” because looking back, my 20s was a time filled with relationships and life. I was surrounded by amazing friends in college, mentors and professors who invested in me, an incredible church community, and relatives who supported me. God had surrounded me with a community of rich and life-giving people that I often-times missed out on because I was so caught up with the fact that Sally across the hall just got engaged, and Megan was planning her wedding, and Jessica just got flowers from her boyfriend. I wasted too many opportunities to connect with significant people in my life, because I was focused on finding a “significant other”.

3. Don’t Act Desperate, Because You’re Not: If age was actually an indicator of being “desperate”…your 20’s definitely doesn’t make the cut. Why is it then, that there are so many 20-year-olds feeling like they need to catch the marriage boat before the clock strikes midnight and they turn the dreaded 3-0? So much compromise, settling, and life-altering mistakes happen in a person’s 20s because they would rather be with someone than deal with the fear of being alone. So many people are left with the biggest regrets of their life, things they wish they would have resisted in their 20s.

4. Don’t Wait to Live Your Life: Stop waiting, and start living. That should be the motto every 20-year-old hangs on their wall. The 20’s are filled with so much “waiting”: waiting for the right school, the right job, the right opportunity, the right spouse, the right income….waiting for that house, that car, that insurance plan. Waiting for love, for marriage, for family. Whatever it is you are waiting for, stop waiting and start living.