I Broke Up With Girlfriend After 4 Years… I Just Feel Horrible After This – I NEED ADVICE


Alright so the reason I am posting on here is because two days ago, I called it quits and broke up with my girlfriend of nearly four years. Here is a little bit of a background on the relationship:

I met her back in the Summer of 2010, almost 4 years ago. She was a very sweet, innocent, gorgeous, girl that seemed to be my picture perfect girlfriend. When we met, I just graduated high school and she was a senior in high school. We started dating and she was very shy! She had a few friends in school and was never the type to really party, go out, etc. If she hung out with friends it was just to go tanning outside or maybe get some food or go shopping. I, however, came from a very different background. I was very popular in high school, had a lot of friends and was also a DJ for my part time gig. I was very social and was usually DJing every weekend at various bars, clubs, etc. As we kept dating, she remained kind of shy with me and it was probably one of the slowest paced relationships I’ve ever been a part of. She was very quiet, but I was slowly starting to crack her shell. After a few months, we began to grow very close and thats when I started to realize that she had some trust issues because of my past and because of my DJing gigs and being at clubs, around girls, etc. I never onced cheated on her and was extremely faithful because I thought I had something special, a very loyal, trustworthy, girl that has never had a boyfriend or even really talked to a guy. The girl is gorgeous, but I realized her shyness and insecurities were the reason she never really talked to guys before and always turned them down. 

We were starting to get into immature fights when I would DJ every weekend. I would text her while I worked, and she would purposely ignore me. I then found out then she didnt want to talk to me because she hated what I was doing. I was getting older and realized that the DJ thing was only temporary although I had a great passion for music, but it was starting to interfere with college and the relationship. I actually ended up quiting my DJ career and she told me this was a huge step and really made her feel more comfortable and realize we can have a better relationship. This is where things got really bad…

Every since I quit DJing, the fights didnt stop. She still had trust issues which made it difficult to even hang out with my friends or go out. Whenever we would hangout, it was just us two at her house, or getting food, catching a movie or the gym. I felt like we were fighting all the time over very dumb things that resulted in both of us having a lack of respect for each other. 

Ever since then, we have always kind of had a rocky relationship. Anytime I ever went out with friends or would go out of town to visit my cousin in New York or when I went to chicago with a buddy for the weekend, she would fight with me really bad. We would constantly get in fiights over her not trusting me, or communication issues or in fights about not respecting one another. She was very disrespectiful to me but I can also say I was just as bad to her. 

However, we both really loved each other. When things were going good, they were really good and we talked about getting married in the future, etc. I even got her a nice promise ring and I kind of thought that would maybe help her realize I can be trusted and I am not the guy she thought. 

Her mom also became a big problem because she would always get involved in our business. Wheneveer we got into fights, she would get involved and take sides or have my back or her daughters, but a lot of times when we got into fights, she would tell her mom everything even if its not something she should get involved in. She would tell her mom things that were none of her business at all!

Her mom is also very noisy, and an instigator! Whenever I would go out she would tell her daughter that I might be doing bad things or drinking a lot or talking to girls. I couldnt believe this!

We have gotten into a lot of different fights over dumb things and have broken up a few times to only get back together the next day or couple days after. However, the other day, we got into a stupid fight. This was a few weeks after she told me she would change and try to not fight with me as much and think things through and communicate better with me. I also want to mention that she takes anxiety medication so I think that also has a lot to do with how she is sometimes. After we got into our fight, I told her that I cant do this anymore and we need to break up because things are never going to get better. She told me she agrees but got pissed and left the coffee shop we were at. Since then, I deleted all our pictures, everything from my social media accounts, and anything that I had on my phone that was about her, etc. I switched gyms to get my mind off her and workout with a friend.

Today after not talking to her for a few days, she just showed up at my apartment out of know where and said she wanted to talk. She said we need to fix this and will do whatever it takes to fix it. And that she is sorry for everything but she wants to work this out. We have had this conversation 100s of times so I told her I cant and that we cant fix this because we just arent meant for each other and things cannot work because we already tried soooo many times. She was crying and said she just cant accept this after everything we had planned out for the future. I told her that her mom was also a big part of this failing for always getting involved in our problems. (Quick note: I am going on vacation with my brother and cousin in a month. I wanted to take my brother to the strip club and was searching for them on Google on my phone. My girlfriend doesnt trust me and she always goes through my phone or laptop or my stuff when she is over. I fell asleep at her place while watching TV only to wake up to her going on my phone and she found the internet history that i was searching for strip clubs. She was really bad and we ended up in a huge fight. She also told her mom as always. My brother, his girlfriend and my girlfriends mom work at the same store and my girlfriends mom ended up telling my brothers girlfriend about us going to the stripclub. I thought this was compleltely not her business and very immature for an older lady to say to a young 18 year old girl. This caused a fight with my brother and hisgirlfriend too now!) She is always getting in my business and now its getting worse and my mom is starting to realize that she would probaby never get a long with her family. When my girlfirend asked what else made me wanna break up I said that her mom caused a lot of issues and that she needs to stay our of my business and my brothers! She got pissed and left my apartment only to sit in her car talking to her mom while crying to hopefully calm down. I came down and told her I dont hate her, but dont wanna see us go through any more pain. She ended up leaving nd then I got a text from her mom saying They are very pissed at me and her family wants me to stay about from her and never come back and also said that my brother should grow up and learn to take a joke. She even said she would never change for me, my brother or anyone!

I guess I just feel horrible after this because I know she has anxiety issues and slight dperession. It worries me that her mom might not be the best person to help her and I dont want her to be depressed or even anything worse God forbid. I still have that instinct that I care for her as a human being and would never want anything to happen, but she is also very immature, never been in a break up and I just want her to realize like I now realize that maybe we just cant be the right people for each other.

Anyone have anything they can say? Any insight or advice for me? I am not sure If I should reach out to see if she will be okay or talk to her . I truly loved her with all my heart and would die for her in a heart beat. However,I still love her and know that I fell in love with someone that just wasnt ready to be in this serious of a relationship and for this long and that things might not ever work. I changed my lifestyle for her and she couldnt change anything for me and try to at least mature more and learn from mistakes from our fights, etc.