Being single isn’t something that anyone needs to be blaming anyone for — it’s not a disease or a character flaw; it’s actually a pretty awesome time in your life if you can manage to let go and just enjoy it. But if we’re going to talk about accountability, here are 5 reasons single women shouldn’t blame themselves for not yet having found love:
1. You’re not entirely in control. You — and what you want and the decisions you make — are one piece of the puzzle to you finding love. There are other pieces too, like the guys you come across and what they want and how they behave, or where you live and what dating culture is like today. It’s complicated. At some point though, all the pieces will fit together and suddenly it won’t feel complicated at all. Funny how that works. In the meantime, cut yourself some slack — you can’t blame yourself when you’re not totally in control —and let yourself enjoy the adventure of being single.
2. Hookup culture doesn’t help. Finding a long term relationship is hard enough, let alone during a time when it’s all about the hookup. If you’re looking for something real, you have to work that much harder to find it. Of course, you can’t just stand there blaming the world for being tough — you have to rise to the challenge and make your life happen — but when every other guy wants something casual, it’s okay to acknowledge that there are factors which make it hard to find good guy. And it’s certainly not your fault if you’re still working around those challenges.
3. Male commitment anxiety is a real thing. Let’s face it, hookup culture or not, men are hard to pin down. While our biological clocks make us want to settle down, their need for freedom makes them want to delay commitment. That clash is real and when you’re a single woman in your 20s and 30s, you experience it all the time. It sucks. But no worries — like we said above, at some point the pieces just come together… You’ll find a guy who’s ready, or who’s willing to get ready for you. It’ll happen. Until then, don’t blame yourself — as long as you’re doing your part and exercising good judgment, it’s okay to blame the game a little because the game can get really exhausting when there’s a clock thumping inside your head.
4. The more amazing you are, the harder it is. There are tons of guys that would be great for the average girl but if you’re special, the number of men you can truly connect with gets smaller because you need a really unique guy. Until you find him — and you will — there will probably be some tough times, like when you think it’ll never happen, that he doesn’t exist, that your ship has sailed, that it’s all your fault. None of that is true. He’s out there and nothing you’ve done is keeping him from you… It’s just not easy for two really unique people to find each other. But there’s a magnetic pull that will eventually bring you together. And when it happens, whoa… It will be awesome.
5. Being single is necessary education; don’t hate. The experiences you’re having while you’re single — both the good and the bad — are preparing you for the relationship you’re looking for. Instead of blaming yourself for still being on your own, appreciate everything that’s happening, what you’re learning, and who you’re becoming. Don’t resent this time and blame yourself for it — in the end, you’ll see that it was the perfect amount of time for you to learn what you needed.