Announcing that you are pregnant to a one night stand is probably one of the hardest things you will ever have to do in your life. However, you must realize that it is up to you to prepare yourself first and foremost, before anybody else becomes involved in this life changing matter.
Make sure you do not just rush into telling him right away. The reason for this is because you will have to make a decision on how to proceed with the pregnancy – with or without the help of the father – should the received reaction be negative or not what you had hoped for.
When you have processed the news, gone to the doctor and eventually made clear cut plans on whether to keep the baby or not, you must then decide how involved or uninvolved you want the father to be in your life and in your baby’s life, should you decide to keep the child. Consider questions that you should think about before you tell the father. Such questions could be:
- Could you depend on him to help you with the upbringing and maintenance of this little life?
- Is he stable/grounded enough to be able to handle this?
- Would you be willing to get to know this person a bit better?
- Is he the type of man you want as part of your child’s life, and if you believe so, how can you know this so early?
When you decide to ring or text him to meet him, be aware that he may think you are calling him to follow up on the night you spent together. The reception you receive may be cold if that’s not what he wants.
Be straight, firm and to the point. Avoid blubbering or weeping, and do not just blurt it out. Tell him that you need to talk to him and were hoping he would be able to meet you for a walk (some place public) or a coffee (some place quiet). If he asks why, tell him that you are in company and can’t talk at the moment. If you can, try to mention that it’s not that you want a relationship of any sort, that this is about a completely unrelated matter. If he agrees, arrange a suitable venue and time. If he says no after you have persisted then you are going to either have to tell him over the phone or write him a letter if you have an address.
Start the conversation by way of usual introduction, ‘How are you’ etc. Take a deep breath and say ‘The night we spent together, a few weeks back, something must have gone wrong. I went to the doctor the other day and he confirmed my suspicions, I’m pregnant’. He’ll probably go into shock and won’t know what to say so you’re probably better off if you keep talking after the initial punch line. Tell him that you felt he had a right to know. Then tell him what you have decided to do about it, that you have thought things through and he can have as much or as little participation as he wants, that the choice is up to him.
Be prepared for several reactions. They can range from complete denial, that he couldn’t have fathered a child, that it was somebody else’s child, to complete acceptance, that he will support you in whatever you decide to do. But there could also be anger/aggression. If this is the case, you must remember that you have just told this man he’s about to father a child with somebody he hardly knows, so if he does get angry, take a deep breath, tell him you’re sorry he feels that way and that if he’d like to contact you again at a later date it’s fine with you.
If he is accepting the news with grace, you can talk things out a bit more and go from there. If he leaves hastily, then it’s best to let him go. Shouting, pressuring for answers and trying to trap a man will never work and if anything it will only make things worse. Allow him the time to process the information and take responsibility for his own involvement in all of this. If he is any way mature, you will find that he will contact you again once he has accepted that is going to be a father. If he doesn´t contact you after this, you and the child are better off without him in your lifes.